This tendency can cause relationship issues, undue amounts of work stress, and general stress around just about everything else, maddening frustration, and so on. I think this runs in the family. Some kind of quiet mid-western protestant work ethic ingrained in children from a young age. Grow up, get a job, have a family, never give up, keep your head down and nose to the grindstone kinda thing. Well bull shit. I love my father to death but the guy needs to do more fun things and work less. YOU HEAR THAT DAD!!!! GO HAVE FUN!!!!
I have been in a constant battle between wanderlust and obligation for as long as I can remember, also a trait I share with my father.
....Have you ever been drinking coffee in your robe listening to NPR in the morning and had the sudden realization that you have become your parent? It's a bizarre thing, but anyway... (all you grammar snobs I know I am misusing the ellipses so just leave it)
That put your head down, work hard, and get ahead vs. get out there live hard, get dirty, and have adventures internal struggle that so many have, but very few actually acknowledge. Luckily I have a family that embraces independence and I was the middle child so I skated under the radar most of the time anyway. Maybe this made the battle a little more existential than it needed to be, who knows.
Living in a place like Bishop it's easy to get lost in all this, it's easy to get lost in the thought that everyone around you is a bad ass out there doin' it and you are just wasting away at your desk. It is also easy to look up at the mountains and get lulled into a false sense of security knowing that those hills ain't going anywhere so there is no rush. Fuck that noise man! Get out there and do things!!!! I have failed utterly to heed my own advice, but that hasn't stopped me from noticing the issue at least.
Moving on.........
Cleaning out your desk after almost 7 years of work and accumulated responsibilities is an interesting, messy, and cathartic experience. On one hand it's relieving. You are moving on, clearing out the clutter of years. On the other it's intensely emotional. I can only imagine the feeling of being laid off after 20 some-odd years. Sounds horrible. Anyway here I am in my last days working for an organization that has been my professional home for more or less my entire post college adult life. There have been a lot of tears, and a lot of other things complicating this transition, but it is finally done. Tomorrow I will pickup my last paycheck and be out of there. I am going to miss it. Not the daily grind so much, but the valuable programs and the ability to change lives and make the Eastern Sierra a better place. Connecting people with place and making a real and lasting difference in someone's life or at/for a place you love is a pretty special experience.
However, that being said, if you have ever worked for a small non-profit you know what burnout means. The burnout culture that runs rampant in small passion driven organizations caught up with me in a big way this year. You can only be a martyr for the cause for so long. Passion can only take you so far and eventually the ends don't justify the means. All that just compounded already complicated issues in other areas of my life so naturally it's time to say fuck it, throw caution to the wind, spend all my money, and dive into the deep end. It only took 7 months of existential crisis preceded by years of that obligation vs. wanderlust thing to get there but hell everyone walks their own path I suppose. So now
I have a clean office...
Because why not!
